These last three months have gone by in a flash. It is really hard to put into words the absolute joy I feel being Hunter’s mom. Sure the sleepless nights are rough. Trying to figure out how to feed him and make sure he is comfortable eating is challenging. Thinking I’ve got him all figured out just to have him flip a switch and do something completely different is frustrating. But, looking into those big blue eyes, seeing that toothless smile, and hearing his adorable baby laugh makes it all worth it. I seriously cannot imagine what my life would be like without this darling face in my life!

My life has been completely transformed and while I admit it was hard to accept in the beginning now I am embracing it whole heartedly. It is so amazing how much he has changed in three months. He went from 8lbs 1oz to 12lbs 13oz the last time we took him into the doctor (which was Thursday since he was running a fever and seemed sick).

5 Days Old                                                                12 Weeks Old

Even a few weeks ago I couldn’t imagine taking him anywhere for a long period of time but now I feel a little more comfortable taking him out in public. He stays content, alert and amused for longer periods of time.  We have even utilized the “nursing room” at the mall, and it is very nice!

I’d like to say that my life is getting back to “normal” but in actuality we are all adjusting to a “new normal” which. I still haven’t gotten back into exercising as much as I use to. I don’t think I will get back to level I was at for some time and I am totally ok with that. I have gotten braver and even took Hunter to the child watch at the Y this week (but then he got sick afterwards so I felt bad!). I have backed off on running for now. It was getting too hard to coordinate Brian’s work schedule plus Hunter’s schedule and running wasn’t really feeling that good to me anyway. The yoga instructor who taught my prenatal classes suggested working on regaining core strength before trying to run. I think that is sound advice! I will start teaching cycling after Memorial Day and hope to some how get back into strength training, even if it is at home.

I know it will be tough to go back to work, even though I get to bring Hunter with me. I enjoy being on “Hunter Time.” Many mornings when he wakes up for the day (usually 7:00am), I bring him into our bed to feed him. Sometimes we both drift off to sleep for another 90 minutes! It’s glorious! It will be tough actually having to be somewhere at a certain time. I’m also worried with how it will affect Hunter’s routine (I’d say schedule but we don’t really have one yet).

Becoming a mom and falling in love with my son has been such a wonderful experience so far. I know that there will be more challenges and bumps along our journey but the overwhelming love and joy I feel towards him will carry me through. I love being a mom! I am so happy to have him in my life and I can not wait to continue on this journey!

Lounging in bed on my first Mother’s Day

As you can see Hunter is growing and growing!

I just can’t believe how fast they change in these first three months. Before (when he was “little”) I would see other people holding him or catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror with him and think, “Oh he is so tiny!” now I do the same thing but think, “He has gotten so big!” He is just so long! When I hold him at my shoulder is legs hang down to my belly! I have also started setting aside some clothes that don’t fit him any more! He has completely grown out of the Newborn size clothes and even some of the 0-3month clothes are getting snug. Some of the one piece outfits labeled 3 month are even starting to fit him. Just notice the difference in size between Newborn clothes and 3 month clothes!

In my last post I mentioned that I thought I found the solution to Hunter’s short naps and that weekend we experienced two night where Hunter slept 6 hours and then 5 1/2 hours straight! It was glorious! Since then he’s gone back to shorter sleep periods. I hesitated to write about the secret I discovered because I know that some people might disapprove or think it is unhealthy or unsafe but just in case there are other folks out there struggling I will write about it. Prior to last weekend sleep was a huge issue. We had moved Hunter into his crib at 6 weeks and had him sleep there. Sometimes he would do ok but other times our nights were TERRIBLE. He would be asleep for MAYBE 3 hours max then be up to eat. Then it was REALLY hard to get him back to sleep. I would walk around the house with him, bounce on the exercise ball, and rock in the rocking chair just to get him down and have him wake up anywhere from 15 minutes-1hour later. If it was longer and I knew he had to eat I would get up otherwise Brian would. During one of my marathon rocking sessions I stumbled upon the blog Troublesome Tots. This site is REALLY helpful as the author combines different baby sleep sources in one place as well as offering her own advice and experience. One article I read suggested that if your baby is having a trouble sleeping to put them in the swing. The article suggests that not only does this help them sleep but also helps them to learn to fall asleep on there own. I was intrigued and desperate! After Hunter woke up at 5:30am (after only being asleep since 4:30am!) I fed him, changed him, swaddled him, cranked up the white noise cd, rocked him, and actually put him down drowsy in the swing. To my amazement he fell asleep in 5 minutes and stayed asleep for 3 hours!!!  I used the swing throughout the day. He had some 45 min naps but also a few longer ones. That night he slept 6 hours straight (in the swing)!! I definitely think there is a connection between good naps and good night sleep.

This week though, I’ve had a tough time getting him to fall asleep on his own (in the swing) and sleep more than 45 min. for naps. Night sleeps have bee about 3-4hours which is pretty good and it hasn’t been too hard to get him back to sleep. I am thinking I need to start settling him down when he first starts yawning, even though he seems wide awake and happy. It seems like he throws a switch and suddenly gets cranky and overtired, by then it’s too late! We’ll keep working on it! We are also experimenting with the Rock’N Play but that doesn’t seem to work as well because it doesn’t move. I think it will help us transition out of the swing and back to the crib…I hope!

Doesn’t he just look ticked off that I am making him take nap?

***WARNING! If you don’t want to read about breastfeeding stop reading now**

One of these reasons I wanted to try the swing and the Rock’N Play was because I thought Hunter was suffering from some reflux as these devices elevate the head and help with digestion. But now I think Hunter was being affected by my over active let-down. Often times when Hunter would eat he would start eating and then whine and cry, latching and unlatching. I also noticed a lot of milk pooling in the side of his mouth especially when he nursed on the right side. I talked to a lactation consultant about it and she confirmed that it sounded like over active let-down which means the milk comes out too fast. She said to imagine it was like someone stuck a hose in your mouth and turned it on full blast. Poor little guy! She suggested unlatching him shortly after he started nursing and catching the excess milk in a cloth. This seemed like a good idea but I had a hard time telling just exactly when I should be doing this. I read online that another way to help this is to only nurse from one side at a time. If the baby eats for awhile, unlatches and then seems hungry put him back on the same side. Then at the next feeding do the other side. Some people suggest nursing from the same side for several feedings in a row. I tried this but it was too uncomfortable (for the unused side!). By nursing on one side your body sends a signal that you do not need as much milk on one particular side. A LC had also suggested this to me early on as I mentioned Hunter seemed really gassy. She said by nursing from one side they get more of the hind milk. The fore milk (the first type of milk that comes out) is watery and sugary and can cause gas. Another thing to help with over active let-down is to nurse in different positions. I was pretty strict with myself nursing sitting up straight with pillows behind my back, with the boppy on my lap so Hunter was horizontal to me, and my feet on a stool. Since then I’ve tried reclining in our recliner couch. This causes Hunter to have to work against gravity to get the milk out rather than have gravity help it flow out. His head is also elevated in this position. I have also tried nursing while lying down in bed. We did this in the hospital but some how when I got home it just didn’t work! I tried it again last weekend and it is so relaxing! I usually just do it in the morning so I can ease into the day. I would never do it at night as I am sure I would fall asleep and I am terrified of rolling over on Hunter not to mention Brian might not know Hunter is there either! Hunter seems to like nursing in bed too, he gets all comfy and cozy. I love it!

All snuggly and happy in our bed!

All of these changes definitely seem to be helping. We have had far less spit up episodes, very little crying while eating, and no major meltdowns where Hunter seems in pain. I also notice that we haven’t had any diaper blowouts all week! I think getting more of the hind milk helped to make things not so explosive!!

Ahhh…. don’t you just love all my baby talk?! What has this blog become?! Oh well! I don’t care. I know I will look back and be happy I captured all these challenges and changes since time goes so fast!

We have our good days and our bad days! I have to learn to relax a little more and remember that we are both on a HUGE learning curve here. Him trying to still figure out how to exist outside the womb and me trying to learn how to best help him do this. Everyday I am sure I learn something new and my love for this cute little being keeps growing and growing!

My little peanut is getting so big!

How do you like those camo, cargo pants? I saw them at a second hand store and just had to buy them! Now Hunter and his daddy can match!

He had his two month check up earlier this week and weighed in at 11lbs. 9 oz. and measured almost two feet long!! Everything checked out fine at his appointment. I had some concerns about reflux as there have been a few days where he has spit up A LOT, been fussing while eating, and had an inconsolable meltdown where he seemed to be in a lot of pain. The doctor said that since this isn’t an every day occurrence and since Hunter is gaining weight he is not concerned but we will keep an eye on it. I also suspected it had something to do with over active let-down so I am working on some breastfeeding techniques to help solve this. Other than that Hunter’s smiles and laughs as becoming more and more plentiful. He is such a joy to play with. He loves his play mat and I think he realized that when he hits the toys and they make noise that he actually was responsible for that. He loves it!

We also had our first play date with Henry! Henry’s mom, Emily, was a classmate of my brothers. She and her husband recently moved back to the area from Colorado and attend my church. He was born just two weeks after Hunter. We took a lovely walk and then spent some time at Henry and Emily’s house. The boys really seemed to get along well and it was nice to chat with another new mom about all things baby related! I hope they will become good friends!

Over these past 9 weeks I have begun to grow and embrace my new title as “mom.” I know it might seem that I write about all the challenges a newborn brings but honestly becoming a mom is truly a life altering experience. Those first few weeks were such a blur I can hardly remember that feeling of helplessness and newness. For nine months I felt like my body was not mine but now, after 9 weeks, I know that there is a part of my body that I will NEVER get back – my heart. Sure trying to figure about what my baby needs as far as eating, sleeping, being clean is tricky but I feel like I am getting the hang of it. Seeing my baby suffering and in pain and not knowing how to help him has been the most heart wrenching experience I have ever had and I know that it will NEVER end. As I mentioned I had some concerns about reflux. There was one night where Hunter SCREAMED and SCREAMED and I just knew something was wrong and I cried too. I also had to watch him scream when he got his shots at his last appointment, also hard to take. I once heard someone say, “little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.” I know that if Hunter ever gets picked on at school, has his heart broken by a girl, or doesn’t get into the college he wants my heart will hurt for him then too. But I also can’t wait to watch him grow, to walk him to kindergarten on that first day of school, celebrate with him when he shoots his first buck, and watch him walk down the aisle at his wedding. Sure my heart might break a little then too as I realize that my little boy is growing up but it will also rejoice just like it does now when I seem him smile and hear him laugh. This is my son, my child, my life, and I wouldn’t change it for the world! It’s totally worth the sleepless night!

It will come as no surprise to anyone who knows me and my “type a” personality that I use an app (Babytimer) on my iPod  to keep track of all the IMPORTANT details of Hunter’s daily life. Over the past month I’ve changed 114 diapers (ok maybe I didn’t change ALL of them), fed Hunter 155 times, and not slept more than 4 hours at time (often times less!). I’ve also given him endless amounts of kisses and received countless amounts of smiles and giggles! We have our 2 month appointment next week so I’ll have an official weight/length then but when I took him in when he had a cold he weighed in at 10lbs 11oz almost 1 1/2 lbs. more than he did at his 1 month appointment. I’m not sure how long he was but I can definitely tell that he is growing, especially since some of his clothes don’t fit! He is definitely alert and active. He loves to lay on his back and kick and kick his legs and wave his arms. He also likes to hang on to some of his toys on the play mat. His head control is getting better and better. It is amazing to watch him grow and change so fast! He still isn’t sleeping the best. You can set your watch by his 45 minute naps. Since getting his cold nights have been great either but I think he is getting better. Last night he slept 4 hours, got up to eat, went back to sleep for 3 hours, it felt glorious! I’m hoping for more nights like that! Every day I fall more and more in love with him! Who wouldn’t love that cute little face!!

If you read my blog before I got pregnant you’ll know that fitness and healthy eating was a huge part of my life. In fact in the year leading up to getting pregnant I did an Olympic distance triathlon, a 30 mile bike tour, a local half marathon, and the Walt Disney World half marathon. And right around the time I conceived my son I ran one of my fastest races, the 5 mile June Dairy Days race. I taught a TON of classes at the Y and was pretty proud of my fitness level. I also wrote a lot about my struggle with weight loss/maintenance and all the times I rejoined and quit Weight Watchers.

Of course while I was pregnant I had to dial the fitness activities back. I still remained active and taught classes until I was 33 weeks pregnant. I also like to proudly profess that I swan 20 laps the day before Hunter was born and was probably in early labor while doing it! As far as food goes I took a more relaxed approach. I didn’t count calories but tried to eat healthy for the sake of my baby but I didn’t deny myself anything and gave into my cravings even if they weren’t that healthy.

Since my postpartum check up two weeks ago I was cleared for exercise. I started attending the Wednesday yoga class that I loved so much during pregnancy. I also started a couch to 5K training planning to help me get back into running. I really missed running while I was pregnant but getting back into  it is HARD. My first walk/run my legs felt like Jell-O! Today I did my 5th run and it wasn’t so bad. I really miss just feeling good while running. Officially I would like to run in the Chileda Classic around the 4th of July (just a 5K) and I MIGHT try and run the June Dairy Days 5K race too! It might be awhile before I do any long distance running but the 5K distance seems like a reasonable goal for now. Last night I went to my first Zumba class since October when I stopped teaching. It was so much fun! I don’t think I will teaching Zumba any more as it takes so much time to prep for but I hope that I can continue to attend classes. I love to dance and shake it! Getting back into exercise has been easy and hard. It’s easy because it is something I LOVE to do and helps me to feel “normal” again. However, it is hard because I don’t exactly feel normal or look normal in my new postpartum body. It is also hard to find the time to do it. I have been fortunate that Brian’s mom and dad have watched Hunter several times when I’ve gone to exercise. They also have a child watch at the Y but I don’t think I am ready to take Hunter there yet.

As far as eating goes, I’m still in relaxed mode. Still not counting calories, still eating whatever anyone prepares for me, but trying to make some healthy choices when I can for the benefit of myself and my baby since I’m nursing. I  am kind of giving myself a deadline of the 3 month mark to reign in the eating habits. I have a feeling that this is going to be a lot harder than exercise. It is also hard to find time to eat! I usually grab whatever I can eat with one hand and Brian has done ALL of the cooking unless someone else makes us something or we go out. One of the main problems I have is that many of the healthy foods that I enjoyed eating like vegetables and beans seem to affect Hunter since essentially he eats what I eat. A gassy baby is not a fun baby! I hope has his body matures that this will change.

I will probably do Weight Watchers online in order to help me lose weight. I officially gained 45lbs while pregnant. I lost 20lbs immediately after having him and haven’t lost any since! I know it took time to gain the weight but I also know that I will feel better physically and mentally once I am back to a healthy weight. Still I am not pressuring myself to do it quickly.

So there you have it! The girl with the pink sneakers may not be running fast or far but she is taking steps to get back to her healthy lifestyle with baby! I hope the habits I display will help Hunter be a healthy and happy boy! And with that I hear my little boy waking up from a nap and ready to eat!

6 Weeks Old!

One big  change over the last two weeks is that we moved Hunter from the bassinet that was next to our bed into the crib in the nursery.

Normally I swaddle him this was just an experiment….it did not work! We moved Hunter into the big crib because a few times I would wake up and find him all squished to one side or end of the bassinet. He also made a TON of noise throughout the night lots of grunts, squeaks, and cries. At first I would respond immediately to any little sound and soon found this to be quite a detriment to all of us. He seems to prefer the crib as there is much more to look at. We now wait until we hear an actual cry before getting up to attend to him! It was hard at first and having him so far away and I still worry about him and check on him in the middle of the night but I know it is for the best.

However, another thing that has changed is Hunter’s sleep schedule. He DOES NOT like to nap. I feel lucky that he sleeps for 3-4hour stretches at night (in the past few days this has changed and we are getting NO sleep!!!) and figure I can catch a nap or too while he naps but this has not been happening. A lot of books I’ve read said that newborns need 14-16 hours of sleep and that you should watch for sleep cues and then start settling baby down for a nap. After Hunter eats he seems wide awake, alert, happy, and ready for play. I might catch him yawning and then I try and start settling him down. It usually takes AT LEAST 20 minutes to actually get him to sleep and the worst part, he only sleeps for a max. of 45 minutes, and often times less! Sure I would like to get a nap in, or actually get some chores done but what I’m really concerned about is Hunter! I KNOW he is only getting about 10-12 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period. When he wakes up from these cat naps he is often cranky and I can tell he is still tired. He also doesn’t seem to eat as well when he is tired. The only time he sleeps for longer stretches is when he is in someone else’s arms.

This is fine from the perspective that at least he is getting some much needed sleep but I know it’s a bad habit to get into. I’ve started to read up on sleep training but I don’t think we are ready for that quite yet! For now I get him to sleep any way I can, holding, rocking, bouncing on the ball, in his car seat/stroller, in the Baby K’tan. If he does wake up early I try to get him back to sleep (usually takes 30 minutes or so) and put him down or just hold him. But it has been a rough couple of nights over here. I feel like I haven’t slept in days!

In other, more fun news, Hunter has begun responding to us with smiles! He especially likes it when we stick our tongue out at him.

He spent a lot of time at church over Easter and people just ooooed and ahhhhed over him! I had a cute Easter outfit all picked out for him (my cousin gave it to us) but it was too small!

I had him wear it any way since we didn’t have time for him to change! I hope he’ll forgive me! Hunter did pretty well at church. I did have to nurse during one of the services and we hung out in the “cry room” for a good part of Easter Sunday and Good Friday but I love having him there with me, and people tell me they don’t mind the crying!

He also got to meet some more friends and family over Easter.

Hunter with The Barb

Hunter also experienced his first hunting season…turkey hunting! His daddy was so proud to show him the giant turkey he killed!

Can you even find Hunter? He’s camouflaged!

My two turkeys!

It is also the time of year that I like to call “The Season of Gardner” since Gardner seems to be visiting us several weekends in a row to hunt or scout out trout fishing spots with Brian.

As for me, I’ve gotten out of the house a couple of times without Hunter to go to yoga, get a pedicure, and celebrate my birthday with Brian. Not gonna lie, it’s hard, I think about him the whole time I’m gone. I also got the “all clear” from my midwife to start running again. I completed the first week of Couch to 5K and man was it rough! I wanted to start week 2 today but I’m just to exhausted from lack of sleep! I hope to write more about post partum exercise and trying to lose the baby weight.

For the most part I feel we are doing quite well, except for the continued lack of sleep. I think I can read Hunter’s cues pretty well and I know how to calm him down when he has a meltdown (which I hate btw!). He also had his first cold this week which turned him into a different baby. It was hard to know how to help him and I still sense that he is uncomfortable as anyone with a cold would be but I know it is all a learning experience. I just can’t believe that he is 7 weeks old, almost 2 months!  This continues to be a journey I hope I never forget!

7 Weeks move’n and shake’n!

Yesterday marked 5 weeks since Hunter was born! I am continuing to learn more and more about my little man and growing in my role as “mom.”

He is so stink’n cute!!

I am learning the importance of SLEEP and I don’t mean just for me! When Hunter sleeps well at night and takes some good naps during the day he is a much more pleasant baby and it is a lot easier to interpret his needs and sooth him effectively.

During the last week I got really brave and took Hunter out in public for a long period of time, once to a craft fair and today to a baby expo. This meant nursing in public which was something that kind of terrified me! But I knew I had to get over it, because the beauty of breastfeeding is that as long as baby is with me he can eat! Both times I did it in public it went okay, definitely not as comfortable as sitting on my couch with my Boppy and footstool but it worked! I’m sure it will only get easier. It was nice to get out of the house and not feel like I was tethered to the couch.My next big “experiment” will be to leave the house without Hunter for a longer period of time. I can’t wait to get back to yoga and it would be nice to go out to dinner with just Brian. Still, I’m  nervous and scared about it.

I’ve also been experimenting with baby wearing!

That is the Baby K’Tan. My sister-in-law gave me a Baby Bjorn which I tried and liked but I wanted something a little more natural without all the buckles so I tried the K’Tan. I also like that his feet are tucked inside instead of dangling. You can wear the K’Tan several different ways too.  I’ve only used it at home but so far really like it! I think the Bjorn will come in handy when I want to get stuff done around the house and go for longer walks as it is a little more supportive. But I think I’ll use the K’Tan for going to the store and church and just hanging out at home.

My mom and mother-in-law have been very helpful in accompanying me out of the house and coming over to help with the little guy and just keep me company!

Grandma Charlene, soothing Hunter after a particularly rough day/night when he (and I!) didn’t sleep much.

He still doesn’t like baths too much but last week he was much more tolerable than in the past!

Even though I am still tired, I get frustrated when I don’t know how to sooth my baby, and I worry that I am doing something “wrong” I can not believe how every day my love grows and grows for my son! He is such a precious blessing in my life!

It should be noted that I started to write this blog on Wednesday when I “thought” I had a pretty good handle on understanding Hunter’s cues and needs but then YESTERDAY happened! I think/hope he was going through a growth spurt. He wanted to eat every two hours and would barely sleep for more than 30 minutes. He would wake up howling! It was terrible! Not to mention it started the night before so I was pretty much a walking zombie! Brian took over last night and got Hunter to sleep for two hours so I could get some rest. After that he seemed to mellow out and today is going much better!

I can not believe that it has been 1 month since my little angel was born. I also can’t believe that I have been living with and adjusting to a newborn for that amount of time. Honestly it’s hard to remember what life was like before Hunter came along. I can honestly say that things have gotten better since my last update. Mostly the feeding issue has gotten better. It was shortly after my two week post that I weaned Hunter off the nipple shield, he went in for his two week appointment, and had reached his birth weight. At that point I stopped pumping which saved a lot of time and frustration. I also stopped waking him up at night to eat. I still try to keep his day time feedings to no more than 3 hours a part, sometimes he wants to eat more frequently which I am more than happy to do! I let him tell me when he’s hungry at night and SOMETIMES we get a 4 hour stretch of sleep! We go in to the doctor next Monday for his 1 month appointment, I am hoping he has gained even more weight, he seems to be filling out to me!

3 Weeks Old and not happy about having his picture taken!

1 Month Old! Wow! Same shirt as last week! I’ll explain our sudden lack of clothing later!

I am also learning that Hunter is the one who directs my days. We don’t have a set schedule per say but he generally wakes up to eat and get a diaper change, then he is alert for awhile and I play with him, talk to him, maybe change a diaper and then he gets tired again and goes down for a nap. In theory, during the day, this little process would repeat every three hours but that is not always how it goes. I was really hoping to get back to my favorite yoga class on Wednesdays at noon and Grandma and Grandpa Johnson offered to come over and watch Hunter. BUT after kind of a rough night ( had a hard time getting him to sleep and getting up more than once to eat) and kind of a cranky morning I was pretty sure it wouldn’t happen. Sure enough Hunter FINALLY went down for a GOOD nap at 10:00am. I knew he SHOULD wake up at 12:00pm in which case I couldn’t go to class because he would need to eat. But he MIGHT wake up before in which case I could go. But I knew for SURE I wouldn’t wake him up before that! I find if he naps well during the day he sleeps better at night. I know that doesn’t really make sense but so far that’s what I am observing.

Some other things I’m learning: just because a piece of baby clothing says it’s a certain size doesn’t mean it will fit your baby! We are having an unusually warm March here, we’ve hit record highs for several days now with temperatures in the 70’s and 80’s! While this had been awesome for getting out for a walk with Hunter but my wardrobe for Hunter seems to be lacking. Most people gave us warmer clothes in newborn and 0-3 month sizes because March is “suppose to” be cold. I also found out that even though Hunter is technically “0” that doesn’t mean 0-3 will fit him, most things are too big yet. On the other hand I did have some short sleeve onesies that say 3-6months and they seem to fit him just fine. It’s so confusing! He has such cute clothes and I want him to be able to wear them all! I also worry that he’s too hot or too cold!

Also, not all diapers are created equal! We were give a TON of diapers at one of my showers in several different brands. One particular brand just does not work for us! They ALWAYS leak and I end up changing Hunter and my clothes several times a day! With a lack of options for both of us and little time to do laundry this is not helpful! I am glad that we got try so many different brands for free before figuring out which ones we liked.

Play mat time!

I’m also learning to do things on my own. Brian went back to work this week and he was my right hand man getting chores done and making me meals each day. It’s been kind of tricky and I often times find myself sucking down a smoothie super fast for breakfast but I’ve managed. I really appreciate it when a friend offers to stop by and bring lunch though!

We also took Hunter on his first trip to the grocery store. Things started out fine. He was content and looking around from his car seat that we placed in the cart. Then I had to go to a different part of the store and Brian took the cart. As I started heading back towards where Brian and Hunter were I heard this terrible crying and I new it was my little boy! I rushed over and pulled him out of the car seat holding him close to me. He immediately calmed down and fell asleep. Guess next time I’ll bring him in a front pack or just stay home!

Rocking with Dad!

One final new mom adventure was that I attended a support group at the hospital where I delivered Hunter called “Balance After Baby” It’s for new moms and you are welcome to bring your babies with. I decided to join this group because I needed to get out of the house and don’t feel comfortable bringing Hunter with me to most places or even leaving him with someone. It is also nice to talk with other new moms about their experiences. There was only one other mom in attendance and she had 3 week old twins! I plan on attending weekly if I can.

I guess that is all for now! Hunter is down for a nap and I think I might regret not taking one too!

Live in babysitter!

1. You will fall even MORE in love with you husband!

Brian has been absolutely AMAZING! Not only has he taken over the house work (they told me I couldn’t do house work for a month!) as well as taking care of meals but he is so fun to watch with Hunter. I know that Brian did not have  a lot of experience with babies, in fact he never changed a diaper before Hunter. To see him cuddle and interact with Hunter just melts my heart!

2. You will cry…A LOT! I don’t think a day has gone by in the last two weeks that I haven’t cried. Most of the time I cry tears of happiness just looking at my little guy. I think about how long we waited for him and I am overcome with joy at this perfect little creature that is mine.

Other times I cry because I am just overwhelmed with how my life has changed, how I don’t feel like “myself” anymore I am just waiting for life with Hunter to feel “normal.” I also cry because I am frustrated and don’t know what to do for my baby. So yeah, lots of crying, not to mention my hormones are going CRAZY of course!

3. Breastfeeding is HARD! I have had some trouble with breastfeeding and right now it is causing me the most  frustration. Basically, when we were in the hospital Hunter had a hard time latching on so the nurse suggested a nipple shield. They then told me that because I was using a shield I would need to pump to help my milk come in and keep up my supply. They said to pump 3-4 times a day and suggested seeing a lactation consultant once we left the hospital. We did and they observed that Hunter did not gain enough weight so they suggested pumping after EVERY feeding except for maybe one at night. We feed Hunter what I pump from the previous session from a bottle. They also told me I HAVE to fee him every three hours. Well, it seems every three hours he is sleeping! By the time I wake him up, get him to nurse, have Brian feed him the bottle, AND pump it takes about an hour. Then we only have 2 hours until the next session. I feel tethered to our house since pumping is so exposing. Honestly I wouldn’t mind nursing in public but I can’t really pump in public. Plus it makes it hard to invite people over knowing we have to go through this whole feeding regime.

4. You will not sleep. PERIOD.

Before I got pregnant I thoroughly enjoyed a good night’s sleep of at least 8 hours. I was pretty regimented about making sure I got a healthy amount of sleep. When I was pregnant my sleep patterns definitely changed and I thought that they were preparing me for when the baby arrived but I was wrong! I think most new moms experience not sleeping because their newborn wakes them up to feed. I on the other hand have to wake mine up to feed. I set my alarm clock twice in the middle of the night and once for early morning to get him up for a feeding. It about kills me to have to wake him up from a peaceful slumber not to mention I am half awake myself. I am hoping once our breast feeding situation improves I can let him feed on demand, which probably means he’ll start waking me up in the middle of the night!

5. You will feel an INCREDIBLE amount of love for this tiny little creature that is dependent on you.

Despite this challenging time I am so in love with this little guy! When times get tough all I have to do is look at this face and remember how worth it will be. I think about his future and wonder what kind of little boy, teenager, adult he will grow up to be and remember that this is just a short moment in time that I need to enjoy.

With that I must sign off as there is a cuddly little boy asleep on my chest who needs some love’n!

Sure enough, it was about 3 hours later when I actually moved into the next stage of labor. I continued to get through each contraction laboring on the birthing ball (just an exercise ball) and hanging over the bed. The pain in my back was INSANE. It felt like the muscles in my back were being torn apart. They applied cold and and heat and Amanda and Brian massaged my back. There were times when I said I couldn’t do it any more but in my head I knew there really was not other choice. Brian and the nurses were so patient with me and encouraged me through each contraction. I feel like that this point my body was taken over by some other force. I moaned and sometimes screamed through each one and tried to rest in between in silence. At one point I knew I had to push!

They got me back into the bed and explained to me how to push. I’m sure if you’ve watched the Baby Story or have had a baby yourself you know that they tell you to bear down like you are having a bowel movement. To me this just sounded so weird because I know that’s not where babies come out! It took me awhile to get the hang on it but once I did I totally understood what they meant. You use each contraction to push the baby down and out and when I did it correctly I could feel it. I pushed in the bed in the “traditional” way you see women push, I pushed while sitting on the toilet, and I pushed using a bar across the bed in a squatting position. I was suppose to push at least three times with each contraction. I would close my eyes an focus inward at where they were telling me to push. It was like no workout I had ever done in my life. After my three (or more) pushes I would collapse on the bed and breath while sweat rolled down my face. I would only speak in a whisper only when necessary and then do it again. Brian was there wiping my forehead and giving me drinks of water. The nurses continued to cheer me on and told me to visualize my son coming out on one push at a time. It was so hard. Again something beyond myself took over my body and the doubts I had that I could actually do this disappeared. I just kept doing what I knew I had to do in order to finally meet my baby. When I saw the midwife come in I knew we were almost there. As we neared the end the worst part was the pressure I would feel at the end of each pushing session it was very painful and the midwife just kept saying, “Let that baby come down.” At one point they took the bar away from me and I knew we were REALLY close. I looked at the midwife after a pushing session and gasped, “How many more?” she held up 3 fingers and I knew I could do this . Well, the next time it was time to push it felt really different and they told me to slow down. I really can’t recall if I felt the “ring of fire” but I knew I had to stop pushing and then before I knew it I had brought a new life into this world! They told me to open my eyes and I saw the grey little cone shaped body that was my son. They put him on my chest, he began to cry and I looked at the most amazing beautiful site I had ever seen. I just kept saying, “I can’t believe you’re here! I can’t believe we did this! You’re mine, you’re all mine. We’ve been waiting so long long for you!” I was honestly in some type of euphoric shock. I had no idea what was going on with the rest of the delivery but I didn’t care. The miracle I had been waiting for for three years and nine months was here! My son was here and my life was changed forever!

It was a really hard, painful, and challenging experience but totally worth it! Even though it was not my intention to have a natural birth I am really proud that I did it. We conceived this baby naturally, which is something we didn’t know if we would be able to do, labor started naturally which I wasn’t sure was going to happen so it felt complete to deliver naturally. I can’t say enough good things about the nurses at Gundersen Lutheran during labor and delivery as well as my postpartum care. I have a whole new respect and admiration for the nursing profession. It really was a beautiful experience, something I hope to remember and cherish forever!